


Draco Malfoy vs. The Kitty Box of Doom

by Scarlett_Lucian



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Cleaning out a cat's litter box, Crack, Gen, Slightly pathetic Draco, Snape is deeply regretting his Unbreakable Vow
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-05
Updated: 2020-06-05
Packaged: 2021-03-03 19:54:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 663
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24561142
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Scarlett_Lucian/pseuds/Scarlett_Lucian
Summary: During summer vacation, Draco plays a prank on his mother that ends up having dire consequences: he is forced to clean out the Malfoy's cat's litter box without magic! Draco is despairing in the face of the impossible task, when unexpected help arrives.
Kudos: 9





	Draco Malfoy vs. The Kitty Box of Doom

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this lovely bit of nonsense a year ago in response to a prompt from my weekly writing group! Pure silliness. I hope you enjoy!

Draco Malfoy groaned. He couldn’t believe that his parents were making him clean their cat’s litter box. He did love Lady Vicious Paws, deep down, but this was far beyond what one does for your loved ones. A house elf could easily show this kind of love the same way that he could. But no! Lucius and Narsissa both thought that this was a punishment that he deserved. All because he transfigured his mother’s favourite vase into a frog while she was placing flowers in it. In front of all her friends. Well, one moment of priceless expressions had cost him his dignity and reduced him to little more than a glorified servant.  
He cautiously prodded the pile of beige granules. They had the texture of chewed up cardboard and the colour of sand. Sand that had been pissed on. Oh god, it probably actually was piss! Draco felt ill and slightly dizzy. How had the heir to the Malfoy fortune been reduced to a woozy mess, brought down by another creature’s excretion? Someone so handsome, brilliant, and evil should not be required to perform such manual tasks!  
“Draco! Are you almost done?” He winced at the sound of his mother’s dangerously toned call. “Pansy is here to see you but I told her you’d be busy for the next five minutes, no longer, right?”  
“Yes Mother!” He shouted upstairs, trying to sound chipper. If she suspected his weakness, it would only make things worse. Malfoys couldn't break down in the face of anything. Not even clumps of cat piss.  
The resounding door slam only caused more despair to fill him. He felt like throwing something, only he suspected his mother would make him magically fix it, causing him to break the statue of secrecy and under age wizardry laws even more, beyond what his father could bribe away at the Ministry.  
This is why you had minions. If Crabbe or Goyle were here right now, he’d be saved! But they were both home for summer break, so here he was, one almost man against smelly cat litter! Woe, woe!  
Draco had just decided to forfeit his inheritance, and run off to live among Muggles as an actor, perhaps with the stage name of Tom Felton, when a sudden noise came from the corner of the basement, nearly making him wet his very expensive pants. Wishing very much that he had his wand (which was locked away in his mother’s bedroom), he stood, ready to scream unashamedly for his mummy.  
“You sniveling fool, stop whimpering.”  
Draco hadn’t even realized that he had been, but immediately stopped after being suddenly ordered to by the closest thing he had to a favourite teacher. Who was somehow, inexplicably, in his basement, scowling darkly at him.  
“Professor Snape?” His brain felt like shutting down completely. How? His father had strong protection charms all around the house.  
“But evidently not on your mind.” His teacher snapped, as though - as though he knew what Draco had just thought!  
“I thought you were less of a moron, Mr Malfoy,” Snape said irritably as he made his way over to Draco and the long forgotten litter box beside him.  
“Ye-es sir,” Draco stuttered, trying to regain his wits.  
“Don’t ‘yes sir’ me! Start scooping!” And with that, Snape knelt to the floor in front of the litter box and began sifting the litter through the scoop, frowning as he dumped a piece of cat poop into the bag Draco’s mother had shoved at him when she first sent him down here. Draco could barely believe what he was seeing , but he numbly sank to the floor beside Snape and joined him in combing through the nauseating contents of the box.  
Finally they were done, and Draco heaved a sigh of relief.  
“Thank you for your help,”  
“I did make an Unbreakable Vow that I would protect you,” and with that, Snape disappeared, as quickly as he had first appeared.  
“ Wait, what?!”


End file.
